You are viewing xsuicidalxgothx

......i'm so alone.......i want to die......

Feb. 15th, 2005

09:38 pm

...i forgot i had this...the pain from all of your horrible comments made me forget...i had to forget how mean the world is...but a couple days ago i got emails...comments...your all still commenting...still hating me...4 who i am...u dont know me...but u hate me...

...why?....

...is life just meant to be that painful?...


im going to say something...iv said more times than i could ever count...something iv always believed...and known...and now its been proved...by all u...u horrible cruel people...

what im going to say is...

...life is pain...and nothing but....

Jun. 23rd, 2004

08:30 pm

...deadjournal needs a invitation code...so...screw it...fuck all u guys...who just give me crap...just 2 prove you wrong...im gonna keep posting here...show u that i dont care what u think...bcuz i know youre all just the same...im the only one...who knows about life...and how...painful it really is...

...anyway also ppl said this was fake...wtf?...i dont know what they mean...but anyway...just 2 show you im a real person...heres some pics...of me and ash...my best friend...the only person in the world...who understands...

edit...pics went down...life sucks....

Jun. 20th, 2004

07:40 pm

im only posting because im tired of everyone...writing big 3 pragraph comments...on sum1s lj.. whos never gonna upate again...and then telling ME...i have no life...

im gonna get a deadjournal...maybe theyll be more accepting there...bye....

Current Mood: depresseddepressed

May. 16th, 2004

10:27 pm

...i wasnt going to update this anymore...because of all the hateful things...because of the people who hate me...and make me so depressed all over again...and trace over those scars again and again...bleed all over...blood washing over me...like an angel....of death...

but...everyone commenting asking whats wrong with my life...i ask you this...whats it to you?...who asked u to read my journal?...the only things u no about me...is the stuff i type...so dont even accuse me of whining...this is a journall...MY journall...i can write my thuoghts if i wnat...bcuz thats what journalls r for...so...fuck you........

...ur all a bunch of assholes...and i hate you...i hate myself...i hate life....i want to die...i want to bleed forever...i want to go to sleep and never wake up...i want death....

Current Mood: crushedsuicidal

Apr. 1st, 2004

03:48 pm

.....stuff happened...people who dont know me hate me...i dont understand...is that just life?...is life just that painful?...so full of hate...and sorrow...and pain...and loss...and tragedy?...i dont understand...i got so depressed after reading all the comments saying that im pathetic...idiotic...melodramatic...self-obsessed...whiny...spoiled teenager...and they even said this journal was a joke...its not fair...its not fair that life is so painful...that people won't even believe me when i say my feelings...i cut myself after reading all those comments...and i still didn't die...its not fair...i just want my life to end...i dont want to experience...this pain anymore...

...but thanks a lot to the people who defended me...it really means alot...to know that not everyone in this world hates me...just most of it...

hey, i'm so happy...haha...happy april fools day...

and also 1 more thing...this person atrocity_hate added me...so i added them back...but in 1 of their entries they make fun of me...they said i make baby jesus cry...i dont understand...ive never even talked to them before...and they already hate me...its not fair...life isn't fair...i just want to die...

...that's all.....

Current Mood: depresseddepressed

Mar. 18th, 2004

09:55 pm

...i fucking hate homework...it sucks....not as much as life does though...

...how come the only thing the n shows anymore is real access?...i want to see degrassi...it has a goth grrl on it...oh shit...my sis is playing hillary duff...i hate her (hillary duff...not my sister...)...shes a prep...preps are dumbasses...especially the ones that threw paper at us today...right ash?....

...they just dont understand...they dont understand our pain...but they will...someday...when they realize life is pain...all pain...nothing but pain...

...i wanna die so much...why cant i die?...its not fair...i'm so depressed...


...btw...i love u ash...you dont deserve the pain of life...ill be there with you...the day we free ourselves....from this dark empty black hole...of pain...that is life...

Current Mood: depresseddepressed

Mar. 14th, 2004

05:50 pm

hi...its been a long time since i updated...ive been too busy trying to kill myself...and doing homework...life sucks...i want to die....

...no one understands my pain....it sux...i'm so depressed...and empty...and broken....

...my mom...bought me black eyeliner...and mascara...and eyeshadow...so i can look like the person i really am...on the inside...dark...depressed...vampiric...dead....

...i wrote more poetry...about my life...and how much...i want to die...



life is pain...
pain...
suffering...
death....
breathing is sadness...
depression...
emptiness...
being alive...
is torture...
pain...



...im so depressed...im gonna go cut my wrists now...i hate life...i hate everything...i want to die...

Feb. 21st, 2004

10:49 pm - ...pain....

ash is over at my house...were watching interview with a vampire...i love this movie...its all about my kind...the vampires...

...but love isnt real....love is pain...no matter who you love...theyll just stab you in the back someday....

heres a poem i wrote about love...and pain....

love
pain
pain when i cut
pain because of
love
love killed me
now i bleed
bleed
bleed
crimson blood


...yeah...lol...tell me what u think of it...well...now im depressed again...maybe ill jump off the roof when this movie is finished...i hate life....i wanna die...

Current Mood: depressedsuicidal

Feb. 20th, 2004

09:00 pm

...please kill me...i'm so depressed...i want to die...i'm going to go overdose on my antidepressants now...no...i wont....i'll wait for ashley to come over tomorrow...and then well kill ourselves together...

...i hate life....why am i so depressed all the time...its hurting me inside...life is nothing but pain....

Current Mood: depresseddepressed